I'm sorry / All this Drama

Again, I should be spanked but I ask for your understanding. My instinct to survive and cari makan has again over-shadowed my blogging...

I have missed so much drama and mayhem (partly because I had no time to read the blogs.. only a passing glance at the MSM and that was all).

After a long bout of depression brought about by not only my personal self-loathing condition, bouts of paranoia and also the sad state our country is in, I have decided to take a long unconditional break from blogging.

I can't blog about politics no more. I just can't. Everything i write sounds too depressing and I have lost my optimism and faith in so many people. All this drama.

Before I go to try and renew my faith and spirit, I have a message for all Malaysians.

Through my everyday dealings with Malaysians, I have made some observations I wish to point out here.

We ask for change but we don't seem to be encouraging that change from within. When I talked to an Indian Aunty recently, she labelled my race as 'those malays'. I can't tell you how much this hurt. It is not the words but how it was said.. with underlying resentment. People seem to think that malays get all the perks in the world and that we would be hopeless without it. People seem to believe that all malays are racists and that we want to put down all the other races because it is the only way we could get ahead.

People think that malays are dishonest and lazy and vindictive.

Why must the racial tag go with this? Aren't some people from other race 'bitches' and 'assholes' too?

People, change not only comes from externally, but it comes mainly from within.

Let me tell you about how some malays think (purely conjecture, but i'm sure there is a lot of truth here). When your indian friend says, "I'm going back to India." or your chinese friends go, "I'm going back to China for awhile." What does this mean?

This can be taken as them saying that they do not see Malaysia as their country and that they would be going back home to India or China. Not everyone does this, but it is prevalent in many parts. I can't help but wonder. So tell me, is Malaysia where your heart is?

Dude, you know, i've been pushing for this cause for quite a while already, but sometimes i can't help but feel down about the hopelessness of the situation.

Recently i did some travelling, not far, just Singapore (yes, it's practically my first time there - last time i was 12 years old) and then Penang (yes, again, it's practically my first time there too).

I see people at their best and their worst. It's best when you see abang melayu, uncle cina and ane' india all talking together like they're best friends, no holds barred and none of this racial and religious bullshit that we see. I know i don't have to travel far to get this sort of thing.... it happens in KL too but just maybe not from where i'm sitting.

And from my observation, I see that this non-racial thing happens a lot with the older generation. Do you get that too? Or is it just me? Then i wonder to myself, 'Why is this so?'

I'm guessing, it was because of something like the Japanese occupation, the education system, peristiwa May 13 and general goodwill among everyone. I could be wrong. What do you think?

For example, during the Japanese occupation. During difficult cirscumstances, people tend to stick together. Even mortal enemies stick together for the sake of survival.

The education system. At that time, we had the 'sekolah pondok' and the 'sekolah Inggeris'. The subjects learnt were in English and everyone had to adapt and master the language in order to excel. This was the one uniting factor that contributed to the kinship that our parents had with their friends from other races. They ALL had to do it. They ALL had to pick it up. They ALL were in the same boat. Language. Unites us.

Peristiwa May 13. I really don't want to get into this because i'm definitely not an expert. Definitely not the right person to tell you about it. But what i'm getting at is this: Don't you hear stories of Chinese people being rescued by Malay people and Malay people being rescued by Chinese people? I'm 100% sure it happened. Don't you think they became friends or at least have a kinder view of one another after that?
The way i see it, that incident happened between 2 groups of people. Not between one race and another. That's why i hate the racists who bring it up every time Malaysians talk about race.

We are at a crossroad right now. I'm not the most intelligent person, neither did i study this sort of thing. I'm not the best person to talk about our country because i'm actually quite ignorant about many things (yes, akin to an ostrich some might say). But i know enough to say that we are at a very important crossroad right now.

A small victory at achieveing balance last March. I won't say 'a victory for the opposition' because firstly, the word 'opposition' is so subjective. Secondly, it is not really a 'victory' for one party or another but more like the achievement of balance in a system which has always been one sided for a very long time. Balance. Very important.

We are at a very important crossroad right now. All the parties have to play their cards right. And so far, i see a lot of things that don't please me. From all sides. Some parties say no to racial segregation but they themselves are practising it. Some parties are put into office but stage walkouts on rulings that they don't like (what's up with that? why can't you fight in a ring? we put you there to be our voices, not to walk out whenever you're being bitch slapped). As you can see, i'm not too happy about this. It defeats the purpose, in my opinion.Everyone is criticising one thing or another but when you look closer, they themselves are doing the same thing.

Looks hypocritical to me.

We are at a very important crossroad right now. And from where i'm standing, i'm not too happy about what i'm seeing. Some people become too arrogant and too confident that they are in the 'right' path. This holier-than-thou attitude does not sit well with me when it comes from ANYONE. People accuse one another of crimes without any evidence just because they think they know everything.

And since when is it a crime to have an opinion?

One thing that pisses me off, is someone who preaches about freedom of speech and yet condemn others who do not agree with them on some issues. Fanaticism.
Think about it. It happens a lot. A LOT. I've seen it with my own eyes how blind people can be to their hero's failures.
Whoever 'terasa' here, i apologise. I'm not pointing a finger at one person or another. WE ALL DO IT. Those who 'tak terasa' good for you. Those who 'patut terasa tapi tak terasa' may God help you.

Look, I've always had the dilema where I ask myself 'Who do i want to lead my country?'
It's such a difficult decision to make internally because no one seems qualified or matured enough to rule. Najib's not qualified, in my opinion. He's a career politician. Vey minimal work experience. Look his biodata up. His work experience? Nada. Nothing. How do you know he'll be able to run the show? You don't know. Anwar's .... well, Anwar. Look i'll admit the dude is smart. That much i concurr. But is he really 'all that'? Dude, I can tell you now, he ain't all that.

You know why i say all this? Because a lot of you people HERO WORSHIP these mother fuckers like they are heaven sent here to save your asses. Let me give you a clue, YOU save YOUR own asses. Everyone's got a hidden agenda somewhere. EVERYONE. Make no mistake here. Everyone from the small fish to the big fish have their own agenda. So please don't put all your eggs in one basket. Spread them out.

Also, if you want to hero worship someone, make sure they have proven themselves to you. What has Najib done? Spent money? I can spend money. What has Anwar done? What? What?

This is where i'll get answers like 'Ooh, he lead the coalition to the March 8 victory.'

And this is where i smack you.
That's not an answer. That's your ass talking. WE the PEOPLE did that.
This is where you say 'Yeah, ok, but HE lead the coalition.'

This is where i smack you harder to help you think straight. Do you even remember what happened then? There was no ONE leader. Everyone did what they were supposed to do. And usually when people do what they're supposed to do, they get rewarded. Usually la.

So stop all your hero worshipping and start building something. The trouble with Malaysians is that most of us are followers. I blame this on our education. We don't cultivate leadership qualities from young. Very few leaders with leadership qualities. Everything 'yes, boss!'.. look at UMNO. Classic example. And you know what? I have a feeling that PKR is heading in that direction. I hope and pray they don't, but it looks like it.

Like in UMNO, last year, if Pak Lah farted it would have smelled like roses to everyone in UMNO. And now, if Anwar passes wind, it smells like frangipanis to alot of people.

Why? Why all this hero worshipping? Does EVERYTHING that person say or do HAVE to be right? Do you have to agree with EVERYTHING he does? NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO.

WE NEED TO GROW UP.

Everyone has the right to an opinion. No matter how we don't agree with it. But if we are mature about it, we can learn to respect one another's opinion. Maybe the fart really does smell like roses to you. Maybe it's just how you're wired.

Not everything is all black and all white. There will be mostly grey areas. Malaysian people see things in 'absolutes'. Meaning, you're either always wrong, or always right. Why? It doesn't have to be this way.

I say this in the most kindest, most loving way filled with care and concern:
MALAYSIANS NEED TO GROW UP and STOP HERO WORSHIPPING LEADERS. They are only human complete with major flaws.

I mean, how does this hero worshipping help us? It just feeds on their ego and their arrogance.
Think about it. Then read the latest news. You'll see what i mean.

When i come back, i won't be writing much about current issues or people. You can expect general rantings like this. I hope you come back. I'll miss you.